One of the things I value about Arlene is having a non-judgmental, trusted advisor that I can say anything to about relationships and get some kind of actionable feedback. That has been especially valuable in the context of primary partner relationships. Arlene has also been a foil for whatever I have been thinking. I can bring something to her and get somebody else’s experience, perspective, and sometimes refinement. That is useful because she does not just listen passively. She helps me look at what I am thinking from another angle.

Arlene has had a huge impact on my life. She helps me see the best in me and brings out the best in me. And, in a loving way, she also helps me hold up a mirror to the areas where I am getting in my own way — and then gives me the tools to not get in my own way. She helps me identify what I am feeling and articulate it in a way I could not articulate before. That is part of the challenge: we do not always know how we are getting in our own way, then we do not know how to put it into words, and then we do not know how to address it. Arlene is good at doing all three. She brings me joy, happiness, and laughter. And I feel safe with her. This kind of work requires vulnerability, bravery, and strength, and Arlene provides an environment where you can do those things. The rewards are huge.

Working with Arlene to improve one relationship upgraded the way I show up in all of them. One of the most important things Arlene ever said to me came when I was deciding whether to become the live-in caretaker my mother needed. I was asking myself how I could show up for her, and whether the personal cost would be too high. At the time, my relationship with my mother carried a lot of old emotional pain. Being with her brought up familiar words, tones, and patterns that had hurt me when I was young. I was afraid of being pulled back into old trauma responses. Arlene helped me see the situation differently. She pointed out that there was no one else in my life who could assist me to grow by annoying me in exactly the familiar ways my mother does. Hearing this was, naturally, annoying, especially because I knew she had a point. So I treated it as a five-month experiment. With Arlene’s skillful support, I began using difficult moments as prompts for my own emotional growth rather than reacting from old wounds. When I got triggered, I would leave the situation, take care of my emotional reaction, and then return to reconnect with my mother. I did that over and over again. By the end of that time, I rarely had the same trauma response with my mother. I was able to connect with her in a way that was more acceptable to both of us, without being pulled back into a younger, less resilient version of myself. And Arlene was right. It changed my relationships with many other people, too. I am now less defended, more present, more connected, and more able to stay with myself while being with others — even when I feel emotionally challenged. That is what I value about Arlene’s work. It is not surface-level positivity. It creates real, lived change in emotional patterns, nervous system responses, and relationship dynamics. I value Arlene deeply for the practical, persistent, and skillful way she has supported my growth.

There are a lot of things I love about you and value about you in my life. A lot of it starts with the fact that you bring a very unique perspective to almost every topic. Your curiosity is insatiable. You are highly intelligent, and you are really well read across a myriad of topics. I do not always agree with everything, but you help me think about things from a fresh or different way. And I think that is just priceless. It is invaluable. There are areas where I may be tiptoeing, and you are unafraid to actually call out what needs to be called out, pull me forward, or raise things that I may not be bold enough to address on my own. That is something I really value. You also place such a high value on connectedness and the importance of being connected. I do not just mean physically, but emotionally, too. That is a great place to be grounded from. Even when you are challenging me, and even when I might be uncomfortable, I am never confused about whether you are looking out for my best interest. That combination — your intelligence, your curiosity, your willingness to challenge me, and your clear care for connection — has made a real difference in my life.